It's over. The baby's gone.

I know I'm going to have many a nightmare about this.

Eben gave me 2 cards and my parents one but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how much he loves me. It doesn't fucking matter how much Gabe calls me either.

You know Gabe got really sick right before I had the abortion? Figures. It probably was his. So here I am, torturing Eben for no reason at all. Breaking his heart just because mine is too.

Do you have any idea how jealous I am that Gabe has his little girl? Really fucking jealous.

If all my emotions right now are ugly then I'm the ugliest fucking person in the world.

I wish I had the courage to die. I want so badly to just fucking die.

EDITED: Is it terribly wrong of me to want to get pregnant again?