Eben and I had a long talk last night about what's going on between me and Gabe...I didn't realize how bad I was hurting him...nevermind. I can't talk about this. I already feel guilty enough as it is. I do deserve it though...got my period today too...joy. But maybe, then I can regulate my cycles so I can get pregnant again?

How stupid am I, by the way?

I'll be gone till the 29th, but I'll try to write while I'm away...we'll see. We'll see if I even make it through the damn merry fucking holidays.