Had my 2nd follow up this morning. Negative there too. Case closed...yea right. This case won't be closed for a long time...

Anyway, I'm going to post what I put on a message board because it's easier than writing it all out again. Eben is the "ab dad" and Gabe is "my ex". There's more to it than this, but I'm not in the mood to elaborate.

"Okay, so here goes nothing. At the risk of everyone on here thinking I'm crazy, I'm going to post about my weekend. Friday wasn't too weird, although my ex decided to tell me he loved me for the first time in almost 10 months...but he was drunk, so I'm not counting it.

Anyway, on to Saturday. The ab dad had promised me he would spend the day with me, but I wasn't holding him to it after the horrible arguement we'd had on Thursday. Well, it turns out he left his apartment without telling me, calls me and says he's already left and he wants to see me. I wasn't ready and I was in my robe, and well...had made plans with my ex. So, I frantically try to figure out what I'm going to do...but the ab dad ends up sitting in a parking lot waiting for me for 4 hours, which I did not know. My ex calls and says he has to go to an aunt's party, and not to come. This is of course after another screaming fight with the ab dad...I convinced him to meet up with me, and we went to a town about an hour away. This is where the fun really begins.

While I am with the ab dad, the ex decides to call again. At first wanting to see me, then later says his friend came in from out of town and wants to go out with him. Fine. Of course the ab dad is getting suspicious...and I'm trying to get drunk because I have no idea which one of them I'd rather be with (considering I love them both)...and then, my ex proceeds to call me almost a dozen times. When I finally get back to him, guess what he had done? CALLED MY PARENTS. And of course, as usual, he was drunk when he did this.

You see, my parents don't want me seeing the ab dad, mainly because he's black. So, they thought I was with the ex the whole time. I thought I was in deep s***. After leaving the ab dad, who didn't seem to know what to do with what was going on, me crying...I drove to the town my ex was in, to some bonfire party with a bottle of Southern Comfort sticking out of one pocket, holding a beer in his hand. We barely speak at the party...his even more drunk brother shows up. We leave, my ex praying his brother doesn't get in a fight. We then of course, sleep together when we get back to his house.

Surprisingly enough that morning my parents aren't upset...definitely dodged a bullet there. The next morning, his daughter comes in. I've forgotten he had her, so I wasn't expecting it. She's happy to see me, I take my ex to work and she comes with, then take her back to the house. Of course, while I'm on my way home my ex calls me and tells me he wants me to stay, so I turn around and come back. I spend some time with his little girl, then go pick him up for his lunch break (turns out this is part of the reason I'm supposed to stick around)...turns out his brother did get in a fight. It was with a few black guys and one girl (this is a very racist town, and very racist family...which is what aggravates me most about him)...it turns out his brother knocked some of the girls teeth out! I'm not even going to go into how that conversation went...the racists slurs and comments about the girl his brother hit makes me too angry...I mean he's hispanic he should understand what it feels like for people to be racist against him (I don't care how his whole family is racist, he has a whole mind of his own)...okay, enough of that.

If you're still reading and understanding, I applaud you. Anyway, after having lunch I took him back to work and played with his daughter some more. After I pick him up later, he works on his truck for the next 4 hours completely ignoring his daughter. I know it's not my right to speak up but I was SO ANGRY. It's not like he has her everyday, he can't make a little bit of his time for his little girl? He calls his truck his "baby girl" too...geez. It makes me so mad that he can't appriciate this beautiful bright little girl...and I know I'm not just judging based on one incident because I hear it from his sister all the time. She's the one who's raised her...ugh this just makes me too mad.

Anyway, after he's finally done with his truck we get to talking...and one thing he sad keeps sticking out in my mind. You see, every time I come over he makes sure I'm not pregnant again (sweet, huh?) but then goes on to say how he does want a son, like right now...but that he's just not financially capable. This throws me a bit off guard...I still haven't had time to process it. I'm not going to get my hopes up. We go on to get intimate...I'm teasing him...we lock the door when we hear his brother in law's truck pull up (meaning his daughter was getting back) and she comes up, banging on the door. We let her in, he tells her to go take a bath. After we close the door again we get back to business, and she comes running upstairs without warning and opens the door. My ex is naked, me half naked. She looks shocked, then loses the expression and says she wants me to come sit by her while she takes a bath. Due to the embarrassment, that doesn't happen and my ex and I get dressed.

I come downstairs and she doesn't even say anything about it, she wants me to stay but I can't (I have my 2nd follow up in the morning)...she asks if I can come back after, the ex balks, so that probably won't happen. He's off to get drunk again I think...oh joy.

Anyway, so now I'm home, thinking about all this. The guilt of being with two men in such a short period of time, my RBF feelings, my unresolved anger towards my ex (and ab dad), my feelings about prejudice, being in love with two men at once, completely unsure of what to do, my desire to drink away my pain as my ex is...oh...and that on Saturday was exactly one month since the ab...and my world just feels like it is crashing down around me.

Sorry for the horribly long post, I just needed to sort this out in my head. If you did read this, thank you so much for listening..."