Gabe still can't seem to stop calling me. He's barely gone 24 hours without doing it. Apparently, I'm the only person he really talks to anymore. We also had a talk about where this is all going and it went nowhere. Surprise, surprise.

Eben told his dad everything. His dad asked if we were really in love, and if he thinks we're going to get back together. The answers to the above are yes and no, in that order. Eben doesn't seem to think we'll get through this. Then again, I'm the one who broke up with him. It surprises me I had the courage to do that, to be without a boyfriend and sleep alone at night. But hey, it kind of feels like I have two boyfriends right now anyway.

You know he sleeps on the floor because he can't sleep on the bed without me? Geez. Anyway, right now I'm just proud of myself for it being more than 24 hours since I've cried. Still regretting everything, but that's expected. The blood has at least quadrupaled (spelling?) though and the pain was so excruciating I had my mom go get the Celebrex this morning. Honestly, I am in constant fear that I will be prevented from having children. All I can do is pray that the infection is gone (the one they found during the abortion) and that nothing else is wrong. I am dutifully taking my meds, so it better work.

I will be seeing Gabe sometime this week though, and Eben the first weekend of December (while my parents are out of town), also maybe before. Who knows, I'll most likely be seeing Gabe and Eben on and off for the next few weeks, that is until Eben is gone. Oh, and until I finally confront Gabe and tell him I'm sick of this acting like boyfriend and girlfriend bullshit (calling me everyday, calling me "baby", telling me he wants me there) and he finally stops calling. Then what will I have? Ha, I'm so pathetic. Am I one of those girls that is nothing without a man? Sure seems like it. Let's just hope despite my loneliness I'm not stupid enough to let myself get pregnant again.

Anyway, off to go shower. Eben asked where and what time I was going out to eat with my parents, but I'm not going to get my hopes up that he's going to show up. What's the point in just being disappointed one more time?

I keep feeling for the heartbeat I used to feel in my stomach. Now, there's nothing but shooting pains and blood.

Sorry. I'll shut up now.