I'm only adding an entry because I think I'll be even less in the mood then, considering I already feel very emotionally and physically taxed at the moment.

Eben and I had a long talk, and he actually realized he wasn't ready (oh, and told me about an abortion a former girlfriend had that upset him)...and most importantly, asked if I had ever thought about spending the rest of my life with him. As if I'm not stressed enough already? And to add to this wonderful stress, he needs to come up with at least $1,000 so he can fix his car without the price going up more. Which of course just brings this question to mind, "Can we even AFFORD a baby?" Hopefully things will be different by June (may have a child close to my own birthday..hmm). Anyway, my guilt is pretty all-consuming right now...with the financial shit along with the whole Gabe matter. And of course, how this will destroy my parents. That should be fun too...I also feel bad that his sister is still in the hospital after having her baby...so I'm trying to help allieve the stress he's going through at the moment, and wait to alleviate mine. Those yoga tapes I have yet to use might help me though...

He does think that it's a boy, which is the way most men are, so it doesn't surprise me. I have no idea, and won't worry about it for awhile...it is apparently only the size of a poppyseed right now anyway...but you know what's creepy? This baby's due date will most likely be between my birthday and Gabe's daughter Jaden's. This does not qualm my fears about the wonderful little chance that he is the father.

Anyway, I'm off to go shower and sleep (I swear that boy takes longer showers than me, which is no small feat). Now that I actually know why I am so tired, peeing all the time, always hungry, having menstrual like pains, and nausea, I can just try to ease it all as much as possible and just pray that the by June I won't have gone crazy. Or had a miscarriage. God help me if I have a miscarriage.