Recent Google search showed my diary for this:
Can you purge with a tongue ring?

Answer: No, not yet. But very soon my friend, very soon.

Anyway, things are pretty much the same. I still hate my body, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, I still have a lurking bad feeling with Eben that I can't get rid of.

Speaking of that, yesterday I found a bunch of saved IM conversations when I was trying to get to a picture I'd saved in Eben's "my documents" file that were last changed on October 2nd. Well, considering this day we had a long talk about fidelity and other relating subjects that same day...and then of course you know the rest...So, I can't help but have this sneaking suspicion that Eben did what he did on purpose, that he knew how badly he was hurting me and did it anyway because he was pissed. It makes me nauseous to think that he did that for the sole purpose to see me cry, to feel like he got me back for what he saw. You know what? No more of that. I can't let my thoughts go down that path anymore, I just can't. I'll go nuts if I do.

I'm also considering some other changes...with my makeup, along of course with my body. Winter's coming, so darker makeup is in order. I'm feeling a bit dark right now anyway...so tomorrow I'm going through my makeup to see if I need anything, going to buy some more diet sodas (I have to be VERY careful what I buy this week)...do a face mask...work out...whiten my teeth...the works. I don't know if I can completely not eat, but if I do I'm working off every fucking calorie...or puking. Or both. Time to change that fucking tongue ring, damnit. I'm also considering laxatives tomorrow, but I am really sick of those sonsofbitches. Maybe just an enema...

Well, I'll end on that oh-so-pleasant note. Goodnight, and don't let the damn bedbugs bite...