I keep saying to myself that I overreacted that night, that things just went a bit too far, because there were no boundaries set. But then I think back, to the look in his eyes...and that's what scares me. Because I've seen that look before...and anyone who has read this diary enough, or my old diary, miagoddess (ask for the password) knows what I'm talking about. I can't get that out of my head.

Last night, if you were looking in from the outside, it would seem like things were back to normal. But, they aren't. After we went to bed last night, a thought crossed my mind..."I want to die". Not exactly a normal thought, you know? So now I sit here wondering what I should do about it. I already feel gross right now, after eating Skittles and low-fat popcorn...I'm thinking I should get laxatives again...or go buy some razor blades...I don't know. I really don't know anymore.

I'm going to call Matt this afternoon and see if he's gotten his money back. I just need to fade away right now. Just disappear...