Well for starters, I still think someone is reading my diary that isn't supposed to be. It's either Eben or my dad, because on the stats page it shows it is coming from AOL, and like an hour ago. Before Eben left to go back to the airport (he lost his cell phone) he came in and told me not to doubt his love no matter what. Okay, what the hell?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, I don't know. All I know is I have a bad feeling about all this. And not to mention, when Eben got back the guilt was overwhelming. I won't even get into detail about the things he said, or about the girls that wanted him while he was there. How it took every ounce of strength I had not to cry. How could I think I could do what I did without caring, without feeling ANYTHING? I must be crazy...or just stupid. Very, very stupid.

There's so much I should write down right now, about him (even some funny stuff), bullshit with the car accident...but I can't. I'm so confused right now, I don't know what to write, or what to do for that matter.

Do I even dare go to the part where he kept trying to push himself inside me and I kept having to push him away, over and over (mind you we'd already had sex once) and nearly freaked out? No, let's not go there either...

Anyway, I got my review up at Puta Reviews, so go check it out...very blunt and honest, which I appriciate. Only another reminder of how full of bullshit I am when it comes to what I'm doing to Eben. How I have no right to do what I'm doing.

I just wish I knew who was reading my diary. Even if it's just some random person, I want to know. It's driving me crazy...well, even more so than usual. Yeah, I know...haha. I'm so fucking funny.