I should've just killed myself this morning (read last entry for clarification). Things have gotten more complicated...and yes, that is possible.

I got in a car accident today, getting lost coming back from Spring to give A his money (and I only got 2 hugs, no kiss...damnit!). The thing is though, the guy who I hit had no license, wasn't driving his own car, and had a warrant out for him already...Eben says he's just going to pay for the damages to his car...but I feel like such shit. Just a piece of shit...all I've done is screw up his life since I came into it. Instead of traveling to Chicago next week, I should just move. Just disappear. He deserves better than me, and so does A.

I don't even want to puke right now even though I ate too much rice...I just want to fall asleep and not wake up. It would be so much simpler that way...I can't take this shit anymore. Things just keep getting harder and harder...with no end in sight. When will things just be OKAY? When will I be okay?

I just want it to end...I'm so fucking tired and I just want it to fucking end...

EDITED: OOOOOO...screw the sympathy for Eben. I know snooping is wrong, but I'm already screwed so I did it anyway...and found a check that was returned from an insurance company, apparently that his "girlfriend" Carmen wrote, who ALSO LIVED IN CORPUS. What the fuck? What do I do? Ask him about it? I mean, I know he's cheated on girlfriends before, so what's changed? WHAT DO I DO?