Im so scared they're going to take a look at the nude pics I took of myself and think I'm horribly ugly...I can still always leave to go escort...I know I can still get jobs...I don't know...I'm just paranoid with low self-esteem.

I have no idea what I want anymore. I know I should appriciate what I have...but I'm not happy. Maybe I should just promise myself to one of the jobs that doesn't need the pictures yet...I don't know.

I wish Eben was here now...I want to be gone NOW. I want to be skinny NOW. I want to be working NOW. I want to be happy NOW.

Want, want, want, now, now, now....blah, blah, blah...I think I'm going crazy.