So, more stress...more offers...more shit with Eben and Gabe...more shit with another guy...

I'm not even going to get into the other offers right now...it just seems monotonous. And as for the shit with Gabe...he's getting even worse about things. He was practically begging me to come see him lastnight...kept calling me punkin and baby...and everytime I tried to get off the phone with him he'd be like "No, no.." in this soft babyish voice. And what I hate more than anything...is that I wanted to be there. Gabe was always an AMAZING kisser...or maybe it was just because I was in love with him...AM in love with him...I miss being with him. Not all the bullshit...but when things were good. I miss that so much.

And, as for Eben...I told him the truth about the escorting and all that. I know he was upset...but it was his main response that surprised me. He told me he loved me and that he'd support me in whatever I do...so when I asked him if he'd stay with me while I was doing something like that he said that he would...what the fuck? Who the hell would stay with a girl when she's fucking other people? He says it's business and yahda-yahda...and that he knows sex doesn't mean anything to me anyways...things still aren't resolved though. He's supposed to be calling me pretty soon...so we'll see. He says he can take care of me...fucking-a...what am I supposed to do? How can I just tell a guy what he's supposed to do (i.e. he's supposed to let me move in asap, he's supposed to let me be an escort or maybe more...). This guy must be crazy. How can someone love ME this much?

I think I should take this other offer I got...some temp. work in Florida...then I can decide if it's something I want to really do for awhile...and then I can go to Las Vegas...or I can move in with Eben and just travel sometimes...aye, aye...I'm so confused. Don't even get me started on A either...I just need to let him go. I really do.

So, off to take a shower and contemplate life...if I had some decent food I'd b/p...but I think this whole starving thing is better...much better.