Thanksgiving. What is there to say about Thanksgiving, especially now.

Well, I can only remember as far back as last year, and strangely enough, I lost weight that day. But of course, then my eating was hardly anywhere near normal.

And this year? The one person I want here with me is in Georgia. No matter how much he hurt me, he's the only person I want here with me. He's the only person that can make what has gone so wrong, go right.

There is Gabe, of course, who went drinking with his dad and brother instead of doing the same with me. He's supposed to call today, but hey, I'm not going to be stupid enough to get my hopes up.

Yeah, right.

And my parents? My mother constantly trying to get me to become part of the "family" again, making me lie to her side of the family because she is so ashamed of me. And my father? Telling me to clean my room. And yes, that's all he's said to me today.

One week ago today my baby was taken from me. I signed papers TELLING the doctor's to kill my baby. I TOLD them to make me this miserable. I haven't cried today though, although I've come damn close. I want nothing more than to feel my baby's heartbeat in my stomach. I want nothing more today than to be a mother (potential one at least) but that's not happening, not today anyway. It's funny how I can get Gabe and Eben to sleep with me under any other circumstances, but right when I need it they're both far away. Figures.

I've already thought up my New Year's Resolution. To already be or to get pregnant. If I have to run off to Canada with Eben to have it happen, I'll do it. Anything to get my baby back...ANYTHING.

So, enough of my tirade. Hope all your Thanksgiving's are less bitter than mine.