Gabe called earlier and explained why he hadn't called...stuff with this chick he'd been trying to get with had fallen through. And just now, he called me completely shitfaced...the worst I'd ever seen/heard him. He was begging me to come see him...to make love to him...kept calling me baby and punkin...I don't know what to do about him anymore...I'm worried about him. I think he's starting to drink more and more again...and he can't do that. He can't become an alcoholic again...he has a little girl to take care of. I really don't know what to do about him anymore...I want to help but I know we can't go back...but yet we still both have emotional and sexual feelings for each other, which doesn't help. I really don't know what to do.

And A's being nice again. We had a really sweet conversation earlier...said he has a surprise for me if I can go another day without purging (he thinks tomorrow will be a week without it). He kept asking me if I missed him, if I wanted to see him...I hope that's what the surprise is. I need his prescence right now, even if we did get in a fight yesterday...I just need to lose myself in him.

I'm not going to get into the stuff with other guys right now...some of it isn't even prevalent yet, but some seems to be. We'll see...

I'm going to go try and go back to sleep...wish me luck...